Funny Acres - Background

As a quick introduction so you can perhaps see the 'unique' perspective I am trying to convey, I was born and raised in Southern California in the mid-1950s, in Orange County - back when the name meant something. Up through the time I started High School, there were orange groves everywhere and even a real dairy across the street from the Junior High School (and so we were reminded when the winds shifted!). Today, you're hard pressed to find a tree in Orange County, much less an orange tree, and the nearest cattle are closer to Palm Springs than the beaches.

My wife grew up in Albuquerque, New Mexico, and when she struck out on her own, she moved into the mountains, raised rabbits, chickens and other odd assorted pets. She bought her first horse when she moved to Tucson and became addicted to riding.

When we were married and moved to our new jobs and home in Indiana, we needed a place to keep her horse, rabbits, etc. We found a nice place outside of Fort Wayne, where we have more than enough room for her 'living hobbies'. Since we moved out here a few years ago, we have somehow grown our family to four horses, one mule, 65 rabbits, a few guinea pigs, and numerous chickens, ducks and turkeys. Then there is the family of barn cats that are as spoiled as our housecats, but that is another story.

While I am happy for her hobby, we agreed early on that she takes care of her hobby and I will tend to mine. My hobbies don't eat, mess and get in the way of things (most of the time). Nevertheless, I am periodically tasked for help out there and I learn some unusual things for a city kid:

1. You can get eggs by reaching under a chicken's butt.
2. Turkeys are incredibly stupid - this was the national bird proposed by Benjamin Franklin?
3. Speeding horses have the right of way.
4. If you're trying to catch a horse, the rule above still applies if you value your health!
5. If you turn a chicken upside down and hold it by its feet, it will go completely passive. While I was trying this on a hen, I found myself wishing this trick worked on women too. Sigh...